[Note from the Author: Yeah, I’m still “gone away” on my mission, but I’m actually able to access the interweb for 10-20 minutes at a time. I had already written this some time ago so I figured I’d post it now.]
I like to workout or exercise when I can. The problem is, in the Army, there is no working out or exercising. There is only “PT” or, when actually pronounced in length, “Physical Training.” Now, one might think that a phrase as indistinct as “Physical Training” might be applicable for any sort of training that involves anything physical; That’s true, but in the Army, Physical Training really just means working out, but don’t call it that. Also, don’t call it “Physical Training,” call it “PT.” If you actually say “Physical Training” other people will look at you like you’re stupid.
To help soldiers survive while doing PT, pretty much every unit in the Army makes the soldiers wear a special piece of equipment, called a “PT Belt.” This belt reflects photons into an onlooker’s retina and prevents the onlooker from hitting the soldier with his or her automobile. Other units may require a road guard vest instead of a PT belt; This supposedly has the same effect.
Below: “PT Gear”
This equipment is so effective that nothing bad has ever happened to anyone who was wearing it… Ever.
But the fun doesn’t end with just the required equipment; As with all other mandated activities in the Army, there is a set uniform. For PT, this is the Army Physical Fitness Uniform (APFU), also sometimes called the Army Improved Physical Fitness Uniform (IPFU). The two names exist to ensure that soldiers can never correctly answer the question “What is the name of the Army’s physical fitness uniform?” when standing before a promotion board.
The uniform has many strengths, but describing them with mere words seems insufficient. A visual aid is necessary.
I’m glad I’ve only been around long enough to see the “Improved” Physical Fitness Uniform and not the “Desperately Needs Improvement” Physical Fitness Uniform.
As for proper wear of the uniform, please refer to Army Regulation 670-1, or the picture below.