Potvin Newsly

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Bobby “Psycho” Fischer Dead at 64

REYKJAVIK, Iceland – Bobby Fischer was pronounced dead Thursday in an Icelandic hospital, leaving behind him a legacy of unmatched chess greatness and psychotic paranoia. French chess expert Olivier Tridon noted “Bobby Fischer has died at age 64; Like the 64 squares of a chess board.” He immediately added “Also ironic was his intense hatred of Jews, despite the fact that his mother was Jewish. Huh, weird.”

Bobby Fischer
Bobby Fischer: Chess Virtuoso

Fischer dropped out of high school, saying it was for “losers and Zionists.” He was sure his abnormally high intelligence and brilliance would win him fortunes untold. He determined the best way to get lots of money was to be really good at chess. Really, really good. He proceded to win fame for his chess adventures, becoming the U.S. champion at age 14, and often equating himself with “the boy wonder, Johnny Quest,” but noted that he did not have an Indian friend.

Fischer was made more famous in 1972, when he defeated rival Soviet chess player Boris Spassky to become the world chess champion and start the fall of the U.S.S.R., which was completed in the next two decades, mostly by other people. For two years prior, Fischer dominated the chess landscape, and made damn sure people knew about. After one match, Fischer claimed he “could beat Jesus at chess” and told the media he should be President of the Solar System.

After beating Spassky, however, Fischer decided the best way to improve his chess playing was to not play anyone else for three years. Then, in 1975, he was called to defend his title against Anatoly Karpov. When the international chess federation refused to meet one of Fischer’s 64 demands (which included fresh baby’s blood in 64 oz. “Big Gulp” plastic cups and control over the southern hemisphere should he win), Fisher refused to play, ensuring he would remain the world champion forever, or so he told everyone. The federation later revoked Fischer’s status as world champion, citing that he was “being a total crybaby” about the whole incident.

Bobby Fischer
Bobby Fischer: Fucking Psycho

Fischer decided to then focus his energy elsewhere, and became one of the world’s foremost anti-Semitic hermits. He began fashioning together theories that the Jewish-controlled media was out to get him. “They constantly use the words eccentric, eccentric, eccentric, weird,” said Fischer, in regards to the media’s portrayal of him. He then eccentrically proclaimed, “I am boring. I AM BORING!!!” Many thought this was weird.

Fischer would later go on to say he was the victim of an international Jewish conspiracy, denied the holocaust ever happened, argued that the U.S. is “a farce controlled by dirty, hook-nosed, circumcised Jew bastards,” further described Jews as “thieving, lying bastards,” and alleged that Jews engineered a conspiracy to kill off all the world’s elephants. [Sadly, none of that was made up.] Fischer also claimed the Jews were stealing his socks, building a ladder to heaven so they could assassinate Jesus, and forced him to cede away all of his property on Pluto.

Bobby Fischer
Bobby Fischer: Saddam Hussein

Continuing his downward spiral into reclusive lunacy, Fischer referred to the terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon on September 11th, 2001 as “wonderful news,” adding “I want to see the U.S. wiped out” saying “the U.S. has to be destroyed.” After being heavily crticized for his remarks, Fisher rebutted with “nobody has single-handedly done more for the U.S. than me.” Fischer cited that he had freed the slaves, foiled Lex Luther’s plans on 17 seperate occassions, started the Great Depression just so he could end it, pushed FDR’s wheelchair, blew up two Japanese cities with his mind during WWII, and was responsible for the assassination of President McKinley. The U.S. governement has yet to make any remarks as to the validity of his claims.

In Fischer’s later years, he insisted the world’s top chess matches were decided in advance, and invented his own form of chess, called “Fischerandom.” In it, the pieces are shuffled at the beginning of the match to reinvigorate the game. When asked if he would ever return to normal, real chess, Fischer only responded “I don’t play the old chess. But obviously if I did, I would be the best. Also, I can shoot laserbeams out of my eyes and make a man’s heart explode, just by thinking about it.”

Prompted by Fischer’s departure, David Edmonds, a chess expert, told reporters, “I think many in the chess world don’t want Bobby Fischer’s anti-Semitic and violently anti-American remarks to sully his reputation as one of the greatest chess players of all time.” Edmonds then added, “You know, like how you wouldn’t want Adolf Hitler’s genocide and world domination attempts to sully his reputation as a painter. Though to be fair, Fischer was better at chess than Hitler was at painting.”

Edmonds may have shared this view with Fischer, as the former chess champion was known to have commented “Hitler had the right idea; He was just an underachiever.” It is unclear if Fischer was talking about painting or genocide.

Fischer had once claimed that he beat up both Chuck Norris and God at the same time.

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18 Comments »

  1. shame on you.

    bobby fischer was a genius and youve disrespected a man who was peerless in every regaurd of the word.

    and his ideas were the product of a mental illness, a disease that serious should not be poked and prodded.

    show a little decency and understanding.

    Comment by sasha — Saturday, April 19, 2008 @ 12:25 pm | Reply

  2. You’re stupid.

    Comment by Jill Hater — Sunday, April 20, 2008 @ 1:04 am | Reply

  3. how come you didnt include the stuff about wanting little boys to cum on his face?

    Comment by waldo — Sunday, September 14, 2008 @ 2:25 pm | Reply

  4. I found this article about Bobby Fischer to be totally slanderous and full of false reports. It clearly shows the author who wrote it either is jealous of Bobby Fischer or has a serious lack of self-confidence.

    Comment by Paul — Friday, January 2, 2009 @ 4:18 am | Reply

  5. This is by and by the most hilarious thing i have read in ages… thank you for whoever wrote this.

    While he was a great Chess player, he was anti semitic, me being jewish, i have little to no respect for somone that hates their own culture… too bad, too. He could have been one of our most famous achievers, instead, he will be remembered as a chess playing maniac.

    Comment by Dude — Tuesday, January 6, 2009 @ 6:15 pm | Reply

  6. he was a genius you cannot ask him to be poorly normal

    Comment by erick — Wednesday, February 4, 2009 @ 8:47 am | Reply

  7. In 1956 – when Fischer was 13 – Reuben Fine published “The Psychology of the Chess Player.” This is a book which leans heavily on Freudian psychology and dovetails that approach into what would have been an interesting analysis of Fischer’s life; had Fine been able to wait for coming events.
    Fine’s book also documents the fact that a number of the most famous grandmasters were mentally ill.
    We find genius with child prodigies in music, math, and chess. It seems persuasive to me tthen, that these facilities are neurologically hardwired. Of the three fields, it is chess which is suited to a form of violence. Violence is a phemomenon triggered by either of two conditions: scarcity (in defense of the life of “the selfish gene”) and as a response of “The Compass of Shame” (See Nathanson’s work and its development as a derivative of Tomkins’s affect/script psychology)
    To me, “scarcity” is not the likely cause of Fischer’s aggressive madness. It seems more likely that shame scripting was the cause.
    JB

    Comment by john brodsky — Friday, October 16, 2009 @ 9:06 pm | Reply

  8. This is awful. I’ve never heard such slander.
    It even says at the very top… fake news.

    example
    Filed under: Fake News, Hate, News, Sports — Jill Hater @ 11:29 am

    I feel sorry for whoever has made this and sorry for those who have believed it.

    Comment by maike — Tuesday, November 24, 2009 @ 12:11 pm | Reply

  9. His eyes look really crazy, why is it made up? we need all sorts of people he is just one type.

    Comment by Paul — Monday, December 21, 2009 @ 12:11 am | Reply

  10. Potvin, if ever I see you in person, I will spit in your face. Twice.

    Comment by Pike — Saturday, December 26, 2009 @ 6:07 pm | Reply

  11. HAHA funny shit! i had a hard time at points decifering weather or not this was a real document of his life! HAHA maybe its what i’ve got in my wrap thats clouding my preception! LOL

    Comment by mousburna — Monday, December 28, 2009 @ 11:52 pm | Reply

  12. hey pike i live in iowa find me when u get here, puke.

    Comment by pike hater — Tuesday, January 26, 2010 @ 2:31 pm | Reply

  13. The author of this story is slanting the truth in a way that proves… He is Jewish! Many of the greatest Grandmasters at Chess are of Jewish descent! Botvinnik, Tal, Reshevsky, Fischer (1/2), Bronstein, Levenfish, Lasker, Steinitz, Kasparov (1/2), Geller, etc., If most GMs are mentally ill, that means these people are out of wack, which I really don’t agree with. We are all just a little bit different than the next guy and mental illness is just a quick diagnosis of a possibly very complex mental state to which there may not be a logical or civil explaination.
    The author of this article is not providing any type of full analysis of the genius that “Chess Players” have come to idolize over a lifetime and is not commenting on the accomplishments of the man but, constantly grating on the times that we all agree were not the best for Bobby. I for one am willing to forgive! The US was built on theft of the land, deceit of the Indian peoples, masacre of the masses and an annexation of what did not belong to Europe to begin with… This land is our land… right… We have coming to us what fate will bestow upon us. Mankind has always conquered the weaker and dominance is his que. Bobby was no different over the chessboard. I for one would have loved to meet him, I can only see him over the Chessboard, where it counts in a game against Petrosian or Tal… He was truly a genius of whom the likes of him we will never see again. I am amazed at the character consistencies between Fischer and Morphy…

    Comment by Cesareo — Wednesday, February 3, 2010 @ 2:00 am | Reply

    • Hi! I’m not Jewish, I never said that most chess grandmasters are mentally ill, this article includes many made-up elements, and the Potvin Newsly is not here to provide “full analysis of the genius that ‘Chess Players’ have come to idolize” because it’s not fag-tastic. And I don’t mean “fag” like homosexual, I mean “fag” like a big dumb doucher who types essay length comments about fairness on comedy blog posts that are already two years old. But thanks for your comment!

      Comment by Jill Hater — Wednesday, February 3, 2010 @ 9:10 pm | Reply

  14. Jill, it seems to me more odd that you’ve stayed glued to this blog in order to reply to comments such as Cesareo’s. It also seems that Cesareo is one of very few posters here who has evidenced a three digit IQ. You are a disgusting imbecile, as is anyone who is too stupid to understand the logic of Fischer’s paranoia. (Note that I didn’t say I agree with his paranoid logic. I DID, however, imply that I can follow his thought process.) Anyone with half a brain should also be capable of understanding that Fischer EITHER had a serious mental illness, OR knew something disturbing about global politics that the rest of us don’t understand, OR was just messing with people’s heads. (Again, I have not said that I believe his notions about global politics.) I stumbled upon this blog while researching for a story. I’m a real author, unlike you. Like William Faulkner, I believe that the purpose of fiction is to help reveal truth. This stands true of comedy, too. The truth is, Fischer was a genius, worthy of respect. Also true: you are an imbecile, worthy of a punch in the face, which I’ll deliver if we ever meet. Have a nice life, nimrod. I know you won’t.

    Comment by Luke — Thursday, April 1, 2010 @ 11:27 am | Reply

  15. Forgive him. He was just another deluded genius. His rants will not affect the ‘whole of us.’ J. R. WALKINGSNAKE — CHEROKEE

    Comment by J. R. WALKINGSNAKE — Friday, April 2, 2010 @ 11:27 pm | Reply

  16. This is really funny. I know you should not make snide remarks about the dead, but some of them will laugh, evenso they’re concerned. With BF I’m not so sure, however. My personal oppinion is that it’s none of my business whether BF was crazy and had ideas many would consider false or even cruel! But the text was funny, nonetheless. Okay, spare me the pictures. In conclusion: BF is dead and can’t do anything bad to anyone. On the other hand the president of the FIDE, I mean to say: he is the king of all chessmen and really psychotic. He claims for himself to be the king of all chessmen of the universe, having once met some of them between dinner and breakfast. The thing I – in general – can’t understand is: why is there allways so much aggressiveness in blogs? Has anyone elso noticed that in blogs about vacations, about cars, about dolls, about fashion, about people like BF, evereywhere you can find some notes picking on s.o. who commented or the author of the original text. Isn’t it funny that humans can’t even refrain from being bad, even if they know, that one anonymus talks to another? What feeling of power satisfaction is behind this, I ask?

    Comment by Last Commander — Friday, May 21, 2010 @ 8:30 am | Reply

  17. that article is National Lampoon funny . the magazine . not the mostly moronic movies .

    Comment by james — Saturday, June 19, 2010 @ 8:49 am | Reply


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