STANFORD, Ca – A recent study conducted by Stanford University predicts that racism in the United States should end by about the year 2028. Political science Professor Coit Blacker, who co-authored the study with Professor Larry Diamond, told reporters Tuesday that the “findings are indisputable; Racism will most certainly end on or before the year 2028.”
Blacker pointed out that racism has been in steady decline over the past few decades. “With most of today’s racists being older, white men from the southern U.S., the inevitable hand of death should finish off most of racism.” Blacker also stated that anti-racism education introduced to most students during elementary school coupled with effective public awareness programs keeps many younger Americans from becoming racists. Also, the infamous “Court of Public Opinion” heavily chastises those who say or do things regarded as racist.
Blacker did, however, acknowledge that racism could still be breeding, even today, in areas along the U.S. border with Mexico. Blacker stated that education and awareness programs may not be enough to ward off racism against Mexicans in these areas. “What we really need to do is build a big ass wall or an electric fence to keep those fucking Mexicans out of our Goddamn country. If the stinky, river-crossing, wet-backed bastards don’t get in here, then nobody can learn to be racist against them. This is a fool-proof plan, I assure you.”
When questioned if he himself was being racist, Blacker responded, “Uh, my fucking name is ‘Blacker’, dumbass, what do you think? Also, I’m a professor at thee Stanford University. Do you really think they’re going to hire a racist? God, you’re dumb. What are you, Latino?”
The study, which has been three years in the making, was handed out shortly after the press conference. Not released with the original work (but expected to be released in future versions) was a graph used by Blacker to help illustrate his findings to the press. In it, it showed the level of racism throughout key points in America’s history and future, and showed what most Americans in the given time period would consider “barely racist”. The graph is shown below.
When asked how he figured racism would end in 2028 specifically, Blacker told the press, “That’s twenty years from now. Do you really think racism will still be around in twenty years? You cynical bastards. Mark my words, in twenty years there will be zero racist or prejudice people living in the United States.” Blacker added that racism would probably end on Martin Luther King, Jr. Day or Flag Day, to be more precise.