Potvin Newsly

Sunday, February 3, 2008

The Joy of Quitting

Quitting is one of the most beneficial things you can do. In fact, quitting is so good that I often take on endeavors for the sole purpose of quitting them later on. You should be inspired to quit whenever possible.

Studies have conclusively shown that just uttering “I quit” in any capacity reduces stress, strengthens your immune system, quickens neural synapses in the brain, and reduces your chances of acquiring type II diabetes. Try spicing up “I quit,” by using different phrases, such as “I’m quitting this shit,” or “Fuck it, I quit.” These phrases, and similar ones, will have the same medical benefits.

Quitting is not something new, i.e. it is not some sort of Hollywood fad. People quit at all sorts of things: sports, jobs, drugs, marriage, et cetera. Quitting is as natural as drinking water or passing gas. But when can you decide when quitting is right for you? Keep the following in mind when you consider quitting:

  1. Never assume you’re too good to quit – Some people may say they’re “2 Legit to Quit”, but following this Hammerian philosophy is strongly discouraged. Some people just can’t seem to quit when the odds are overwhelmingly against them. For example, the people behind Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles, or even Dustin Diamond agreeing to appear on Celebrity Fit Club, which he eventually quit.
  2. Even the best people quit – This somewhat plays into the first tip, because even the very best people quit. For example, Michael Jordan is typically regarded as the best basketball player ever. But in 1993, he quit playing so he could play baseball. Then he quit that to play basketball again. After winning another set of three championships, Jordan retired (read: quit). Then, in an unprecedented move, Jordan quit retirement. After sucking at basketball, Jordan quit once more, again under the guise of “retirement”.
  3. Quitting is better than failure – If you think you’re going to fail at something, consider quitting. If you know you’re going to fail, then quit as quickly as possible. If you drag things out in the face of failure hoping to win, then you’re just forcing the soon-to-be victors to drop another bomb, quite needlessly, this time on Nagasaki. Shoulda surrendered after the first one, dipshits.
  4. There’s no better time than the present – No matter what time it is, it’s always a good time to quit. Almost finished with that project? Good, quitting right before you accomplish your goal shows that you’re truly committed to quitting. Want to quit in the middle of something? Quitting in the middle of an enterprise is one of the most relaxing things you can do. Just started an endeavor? You can quit now and save yourself tons of time.

So now you know when to think about quitting. Deciding when to quit might be easy, but actually committing to quitting can be hard, especially in the face of opposition. There are a lot of people out there who despise quitting, and always recommend against it. They’ll try to get you to stop quitting. Take the first step and quit listening to them. There are many benefits to quitting.

  1. Quitting is inspirational – Ghandi made the British Empire leave one of their most prized possessions by inspiring a united effort of civil disobedience. Ultimately, India gained their independence, due in no small way to Ghandi’s Quit India movement. You too can inspire many through quitting.
  2. Quitting is good for your health – Besides the health advantages mentioned earlier, quitting can help you improve your health in other ways.  Smoking, driving drunk, shooting heroin, living in Africa, and stabbing yourself are all very hazardous to your health and well being.  If you quit doing things such as these, you will feel better and likely live longer.
  3. Quitting is attractive – Quitters get laid almost as much as pizza delivery dudes.
  4. Quitting improves personality skills – Nobody likes a sore loser.  Additionally, nobody likes a winner who rubs it in all the time.  With quitting, you can find a neutral way to avoid being either one of these.
  5. Quitters are rich – Bill Gates quit at Harvard Law School.  Warren Buffett left the University of Pennsylvania.  Sheldon Adelson also quit college.  When you’re good, you don’t need to go to college, unless you want to quit, like three of the richest people in the world did.

Obviously, choosing to quit is one of the best choices you can make.  Always reach for your dreams, if those dreams include quitting.  In fact, you can start right now.  Quit whatever it is that you’re doing at this moment.

Still reading?  You suck at this whole “quitting” thing.

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