Potvin Newsly

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Half-Vampire Half-Werewolf Running Amok in PA

[Amokamokamokamokamok.] First I want to say that this is not fake news at all. In Allentown, Pennsylvania, 19 year-old Kristian Allen Carl is being charged with statutory sexual assault after admitting he had sexual intercourse with a 15 year-old girl. Apparently he’d met the girl the previous night, possibly at a party of some sort.

Now the good part: Carl is convinced that he is a werewolf-vampire hybrid, i.e. he’s half-werewolf and half-vampire. Like Underworld with the characters all combined, only in Pennsylvania and way lamer. Better yet, he told the girl in question that he was this supernatural being, and she believed him. Now is she an incredibly gullible idiot or suffering from cerebral palsy; I don’t know people, I just don’t know. But I know this: that’s awesome.

You go out and try to convince anyone that you’re a werewolf-vampire hybrid. Just get one person to fucking believe it. And then after you fail at that, try to get someone to sleep with you after you’ve told them your status. I’ll admit though that chances are if you get someone to believe you’re supernatural, you can probably very easily get them to sleep with you. It’s sort of a two-for-one.

I’m not trying to defend this guy. He’s obviously been ruined in the brain region. And I’ll grant you that he only convinced a 15 year-old girl that he was supernatural, which is probably easier than convincing an adult of the same claim. Whatever, it’s still remarkable, which is why it’s news. Awww yeah!

Bonus points for Carl because he told the police he could prove that he’s a hybrid abomination. How you ask? He showed them his canine teeth, which brought forth irrefutable evidence that he was indeed a demon of the night. Then the officers told him that all mammals have canine teeth, including humans, and they are nothing special. That probably ruined his day.

Extra-bonus points: Carl told police that he has a guardian dragon that protects him from evildoers. Nice. Now I’m jealous.

I laughed out loud for the majority of this article the first time I read it. Now that I’ve ruined it for you, read it yourself here.

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36 Comments »

  1. ok u are a dick because it is true because of ur shit the damn Romans(royalty werewolves) killed that guy and he wasnt 19 but he was actually about 119 like me im a hybrid and he was a damn good friend
    because of the publishings he was killed and if i was found sayin this i would meet the same fate so fuck you we are real so you can suck my big harry balls dick head

    Comment by The real Hybrid — Wednesday, December 17, 2008 @ 9:11 pm | Reply

    • hi lolz

      Comment by MsConfused — Monday, May 25, 2009 @ 11:13 pm | Reply

  2. Apparently some werewolf-vampire hybrids only speak in run-on sentences. This is a very interesting discovery, one of which will aid me in my study of IQ levels in relation to multi-species hybridization. According to this new data, the poor use of grammar and abundance of childlike profanity could be caused by irregularity in the firing of synapses in the brain. I believe the introduction of certain chemical compounds could reverse the damage (possible mental retardation) caused during the transformation but the outcome of such a procedure is uncertain. The science of today may not be enough to help this individual.

    Comment by Dr. Maverick C. Anderson DSc — Thursday, December 18, 2008 @ 11:32 pm | Reply

  3. Who the hell are you to say what is and isn’t real. Just because you’re so damn narrow minded that you can’t see what has been laid before you. One day this world will be ran by us hybrids and people like you will be cast aside. I have been named Queen of a pack of pure Hybrids! All you stupid narow minded people that think hybrids cannot exist should choke and die.

    Comment by Niceria, Pack of pure Hybrids queen — Wednesday, January 7, 2009 @ 4:09 pm | Reply

  4. Isn’t it impossible to have a “pure hybrid”? By definition, a hybrid is the offspring of different breeds, whereas “pure” insinuates an unmixed ancestry. (If you’re joking and not actually some sort of crazy person with access to a computer, I then applaud you.)

    Comment by Jill Hater — Wednesday, January 7, 2009 @ 10:07 pm | Reply

  5. Ok I guess you’re right. By pure I didn’t mean it that we were pure hybrids, we’re a pack of nothing but hybrids. I’m sorry for the confusion.

    Comment by Niceria, Pack of pure Hybrids queen — Monday, January 19, 2009 @ 12:20 pm | Reply

  6. aha ahaha ahahahahahaha duuude funny :p besides that im a hybrid :P and teh guy who said the shit about the romans also isnt true he just a jackass :P:P:P niceria yur kool :P

    Comment by brandon :P — Monday, February 2, 2009 @ 6:47 pm | Reply

    • hi ur a hybrid me to tell me beacuse im new were are u from

      Comment by mrman115023 — Friday, July 24, 2009 @ 9:50 am | Reply

  7. i mean pure blood werewolf

    Comment by brandon :P — Monday, February 2, 2009 @ 6:50 pm | Reply

  8. Brandon, you should e-mail me sometime. baby_wolf_666@yahoo.com
    Looking foward to maybe hearing from you.

    Comment by Niceria, Pack of pure Hybrids queen — Tuesday, February 3, 2009 @ 5:09 pm | Reply

  9. Well this post has become the unlikeliest of all social networking sites.

    Comment by Jill Hater — Tuesday, February 3, 2009 @ 6:55 pm | Reply

  10. Umm I’m not quite sure what you’re trying to say Jill.

    Comment by Niceria, Pack of pure Hybrids queen — Tuesday, February 3, 2009 @ 7:00 pm | Reply

  11. I believe we are witnessing a new zoonoses pandemic, the likes of which have never been seen. This may bring forth a new era of social de-evolution and cognitive degredation. If you value your lives and brain function head to the nearest military compound or colony. Bring only that what you need to survive. May God have mercy on our souls…

    Comment by Dr. Maverick C. Anderson DSc — Thursday, April 2, 2009 @ 2:57 pm | Reply

  12. bastards we r the perfect species they just try and make stuff worse
    thats why u cant trust fleshies my pack doesnt trust fleshies we only have 5 leafies and thats it
    and thirst is my rage i hate when shit like this happens

    Comment by Lovu, prince of the pack C.C.C — Monday, April 6, 2009 @ 2:13 pm | Reply

  13. i wish we could all just get along freaking hunterz trying to get us and shit

    Comment by Lovu, prince of the pack C.C.C — Monday, April 6, 2009 @ 2:15 pm | Reply

  14. This is awesome. Funniest thing I’ve read in a while. I’m bookmarking this to show my friends. hahahaha.

    Hey, ya know, now all these years of me randomly sprouting fur and fangs, I finally have answers, I’m a hybrid. NOT

    I’m an avid fiction and fantasy reader, but come on kids, lay off the fantasy novels, and the crack. Thanks.

    Comment by INertia — Monday, April 20, 2009 @ 12:57 am | Reply

  15. Hmmm. Sentence structure is good. I see proper word usage and punctuation… I don’t know this but I think we have found a glimmer of hope. If I am correct the key to an antidote may lie within the DNA of this latest specimen here known as INertia. Yes, we are saved! The one who is called INertia, you must make haste. Find the Doctor known as Will Smith in the city of New York. You can usually find him driving a red 2009 Mustang GT KR with an M4 sticking out the window hunting for deer. He’s a colleague of mine we were roomies in college, really cool guy. Anyways, find him and save the world. Oh and bring a flood light and stay out of dark areas if you can. Good luck.

    Comment by Dr. Maverick C. Anderson DSc — Monday, April 20, 2009 @ 2:38 pm | Reply

  16. Hey yew must really not have a life if ur able to take the time tew write all about not believing in it. Nobody knows. Im not special neither are yew or anyone else i mean maybe in their own wayz ^.^ but yew just dont know. So dont be such an asshole.

    Comment by MsConfused — Monday, May 25, 2009 @ 11:07 pm | Reply

  17. I thought I killed all the fucking hybrids. My bad guys, I’ll get on this shit.

    Comment by Super Jesus — Tuesday, June 2, 2009 @ 10:16 pm | Reply

    • To the one who thought he killed all of the hybrids nope we grow stonger with each passing day.

      You will never get rid of us u fool.

      Comment by josy — Saturday, January 16, 2010 @ 2:39 am | Reply

  18. Jesus, everyone has to hate on something that they cannot understand. Why is that? I guarantee you that you come into contact with something unnatural at least once a day. Is it so hard to believe that there is something more out there then what you can’t see in front of your face? It’s just a narrow minded thing I guess. I’m not crazy, in a manner of speaking, but I don’t sit there and talk bad about someone that I don’t know. Don’t judge someone that you haven’t met, you never know when you might say the wrong thing and push them over the edge. [by the way, I’ve chosen a male to run the pack with me, as my mate] I just can’t stand some stupid a hole that decides to put everyone down to make better of his/her miserable life. Go out and get a life and maybe you wouldn’t feel the need to put everyone else down. Maybe you’ll learn something about the mundane.

    Comment by Niceria, Pack of pure Hybrids queen — Tuesday, June 30, 2009 @ 2:26 am | Reply

    • Yeah, one shouldn’t put down another person for something like that. However, you always say we can’t see what’s in front of our faces. I see an article about a deranged boy who raped (statutory, but rape nonetheless) and thought he was a werewolf/vampire, AND had a gaurdian dragon. Call me silly, but I wouldn’t associate with this guy. Also, as for putting someone down to make my life better, I’m not. It’s silly to think one can be a hybrid, especially when there’s no real proof and, since the recent storm of teenagers swarming on twilight, seemed to spark an interest in this topic. NO offense, but saying you’re a werewolf hybrid is like saying you spend too much time reading fantasy and fiction to get away from your own life. That sounds like the guy in this article. Hell, if I had to think I was a hybrid with a guardian dragon, I’m pretty sure I was running from something. Also, it’s really funny when you get angry about something like people making fun of hybrids, only to have your comment followed by someone who can’t spell, and says “yew” instead of you. ‘Tis bad company, methinks, niceria.

      Comment by NotaHybrid — Wednesday, July 1, 2009 @ 2:52 pm | Reply

  19. Umm..Hey Guys. I’ve been looking at all your comments and are some of you guys actually hybrids?

    Comment by MusicLover — Saturday, July 18, 2009 @ 8:19 am | Reply

  20. hey guys (:
    btw, I’m not doubting you or anything, but are you really vampires, werewolves and hybrids between both?
    x

    Comment by Books&&iPodLover(: — Monday, July 20, 2009 @ 4:34 pm | Reply

  21. some people gotta pay attention to wats going on around them they are real and they are out there so if you dont believe watch ur back tere coming for you

    Comment by mrman115023 — Friday, July 24, 2009 @ 9:45 am | Reply

  22. u know how i know i am a hybrid so stop talking al dat bull shit on us beacuse u dont know us like dat

    Comment by mrman115023 — Friday, July 24, 2009 @ 9:48 am | Reply

  23. you are just so rong u have no consideration for those who are real

    Comment by brittany — Thursday, July 30, 2009 @ 1:23 pm | Reply

  24. Hi everyone, I was wondering what it is actually like to be a hybrid, sorry if that comes across as rude or something, but I’m just curious. I find hybrids wonderful :)

    Comment by Muuusic(: — Thursday, August 27, 2009 @ 11:32 am | Reply

  25. i seriously think that people will keep fighting over their own beliefs until they are blue in the face. What is the point in arguing over who is who? its not going to get any of you anywhere its almost like the religion debate. i personally believe but i also believe that every one is intitled to their own opinion

    Comment by amymarie187 — Thursday, September 24, 2009 @ 7:27 pm | Reply

  26. fuck all off you idiots who cant except something just because its different.. im engaged to a hybrid and he’s completely better than some pathetic human.

    Comment by lost ana — Sunday, October 11, 2009 @ 9:11 pm | Reply

  27. hey guys i belive that hybrids are real and i think thats pretty awsome! I was just wondering how do you know if your a hybrid?

    Comment by brittney — Wednesday, October 14, 2009 @ 10:52 pm | Reply

  28. There is no such thing as a vampire-werewolf hybrid. Please stop talking about them like they are real.

    Comment by Jill Hater — Thursday, October 15, 2009 @ 9:46 am | Reply

  29. Well isn’t this just interesting. Hollywood produces a movie, and now everyone thinks they are one of the newly found hybrids. This brings to mind so many times I have gone to the movies, and seen children attempt to climb on the walls like Spider-Man.

    Let’s all hope that these people suffering similar delusions don’t decide to watch the Matrix. Next thing we know we will have crime and a lot of dead people because they thought they could stop bullets, or perhaps even fly.

    Comment by Painfuleyes — Saturday, January 2, 2010 @ 6:15 am | Reply

    • Well, painfuleyes, I’m not sure if that would be a bad thing, that is, stupid people eliminating themselves like that. Then again, I do see that some poor bastards are more “caught” by the delusion than actually being stupid. It’s like why have a seat belt law? If you’re dumb enough to go down the highway without a seat belt, then maybe you’re making society stronger by no longer participating when you’re dead. But just because someone doesn’t wear a seat belt doesn’t mean that they are a useless member of our social structure. The same thing goes (potentially) for these loonies caught on the Twilight buzz. I’m sure it’ll all fade away and be dead in ten years, just like what happened to boy bands when they ’90s were finished.

      Comment by Jill Hater — Monday, January 4, 2010 @ 11:01 am | Reply

  30. Jill Hater, I’m so happy that my comments have somehow brought all these wonderful hybrids to you. It’s been two years now and they just keep coming. It’s like magic. It’s like Hybrid Wolfpire-Vampoochie magic. Come my furry little minions! Shower me with your comments! Show Jill Hater what Hybrids are really about!

    Comment by Dr. Hybridpackfrenzyqueenwolfpurepire DSc — Sunday, January 24, 2010 @ 3:43 am | Reply

  31. Ok. Let me just say, he isn’t dead he is my nephew. He was hanging with the wrong crowd and now realizes how dumb it was to do and say what he did. He is very sorry and having plenty of time to contemplate it, since he is sitting in jail. Boy, it is funny how people have so much to say about something they know nothing about. Can you say “drugs”? Maybe if he wouldn’t have been taking things that he shouldn’t have been taking he wouldn’t have thought he was a hybrid. Now that he is back to normal, and off of all that crap, he is now thinking clearly and acknowledges the fact it was the drugs and he is not a hybrid. I feel very sorry for him, I guess because he is relation, but he is paying his debt and doing his time. He is always telling me how he is going to be a better person when he gets out and I can only hope he has it in him to be that better person. As for all of you who think you are hybrids, um, I suppose that is your right. As for all of you that can sit back and criticize, find something else to do with your time, because one day it just may happen to someone you love. You just can never tell. I can only hope and pray it doesn’t happen to anyone else I know.

    Comment by a family member — Wednesday, July 7, 2010 @ 12:42 am | Reply


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