GREEN BAY, Wisc – With the news of Brett Favre’s retirement coming only days ago, Green Bay Packers Chairman Mark Murphy held a conference announcing that he too would retire, along with the rest of the staff and players.
“I uh, I just really don’t know what else to do,” said Murphy at the conference. “I think we all know that it’s just time; time to hang it up, you know?”
Packers General Manager Ted Thompson appeared to be very supportive. “I’ve already filed all the paperwork for the players, and all they will have to do is sign on the dotted line, retiring them from the National Football League.” When asked why the Packers were disbanding, Thompson told the press, “Hey, we all knew this was Brett’s team, and we all really fell under his leadership. Sure [Head Coach] Mike [McCarthy] did a ‘good job’ and whatnot, but without Brett and without an owner, the Packers simply are no more.”
McCarthy was later reached for comment at his home, but generally refused to answer questions posed by reporters. His only response was, “I’m retired; I’m not a ball coach anymore. If you folks want to know some football news, you better go ask somebody who’s still in the business.”
Fans have, so far, appeared to take the teams disbandment quite well. George Welsim, a Green Bay native and lifelong Packer fan, told the press, “You know, having seen Brett play every game for the past 16 years, I think this is for the best. I just can’t imagine the team playing with anybody else on that field.”
The players seem to agree. “We almost didn’t come back onto the field for the second half of that Dallas game,” said Green Bay wide receiver Donald Driver. “Brett got hurt in the first half, you know, and we were told he wasn’t going to come out for the second half. Most of us said ‘Fuck it – Let’s just go home now,’ but Brett asked us all to keep playing, so we did.” Driver continued, “In the end, we didn’t win the game, but Brett told us he was proud of us anyway, and that made it all better. Plus, he took us out for pizza and ice cream after the game, and that was pleasant.”
When asked if they would ever come out of retirement, most players only responded they would come back if Favre “resurrected” the Packers by returning as a player, a coach, or both (as in his previous tenure).
[Author’s note: :-( ]