Potvin Newsly

Saturday, March 8, 2008

Chernobyl Goes Record 6th Day Without Zombie Attack

CHERNOBYL, Ukraine – Recent press releases from the Ukrainian government on today reported that that Chernobyl and Prypiat have gone nearly a week without a recorded zombie incident. If these reports hold true, it would be the longest such period of peace since the Chernobyl nuclear disaster took place in 1986.

Ukrainian Prime Minister Yulia Tymoshenko, (named World’s Hottest Prime Minister by Maxim Magazine [Author’s note – not true, but should be be]), confirmed the reports in an address to the press. “Our zombie-proofing measures in the Zone of Alienation have been paying off, and we are clearly gaining an advantage against our enemies, the undead.” Tymoshenko continued, saying “We will not rest until the body of every zombie in Prypiat and Chernobyl have gone up in flames.”

Below: Ukrainian Prime
Minister Yulia Tymoshenko
Yulia Tymoshenko - Ukraine’s Prime Minister
Total PMILF!!!

Zombies have rarely been able to get beyond the perimeter fence of the Zone of Alienation due to their poor motor skills. But the zombie population inside the zone is fed by a constant flow of unemployed looters who illegally enter the zone to plunder its many unoccupied residences. Many of these looters find themselves trapped by a mob of the undead and become one themselves. However, due to a recent crackdown by the Ukrainian military as ordered by the government, the ghouls walk about in far fewer numbers, and no zombie related incidents have been reported since last Saturday.

“This has been a long time coming,” further commented Tymoshenko. “We must remain vigilant and we can rid Chernobyl of its post-apocalyptic zombie ridden madness. Once we do, it will just be normal post-apocalyptic madness.”

Below: Yulia Tymoshenko Again, Just
in Case You Forgot About the First Picture
Yulia Tymoshenko - Ukraine’s Prime Minister on a Motorcycle
What’s up, baby? You can ride my bike anytime as
long as you let me dictate your foreign policy ;-)

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7 Comments »

  1. Hello. I’am a zombie! Iam very nice and I wont eat you. I will travel to Kiev tomorrow for a interview. Then I will infect the world with aids and then I will move back to my house in Chernobyl and eat my foot!

    P.S. Friends email

    Comment by Mr. Zombie — Monday, May 4, 2009 @ 7:37 am | Reply

  2. Hey honey! Love your comment! Let’s eat sum fried brains!

    Comment by Mrs. Zombie — Monday, May 4, 2009 @ 7:38 am | Reply

  3. OMFG ARE THEY FOR REAL!!!???

    Comment by Mr:marshall — Thursday, May 14, 2009 @ 8:50 am | Reply

  4. dude i would need some real pic if this were real but it sounds almost real but there is not enuf pruf saying there is zombies in chernobyl

    Comment by shamus — Friday, May 15, 2009 @ 11:06 pm | Reply

  5. I believe every bit of it zombies are a serious problem and need to be destroyed>

    Comment by Legion — Tuesday, February 9, 2010 @ 10:52 am | Reply

  6. Hola, Yuliya.

    Realmente soy un admirador de Nicaragua, te admiro primero por tu belleza como mujer que sos, ademas que me gustan las mujeres con mucho empuje, el mundo seria diferente si existieran mas mujeres de tu estirpe.

    Espero entiendas Español.

    Saludos, cordiales. Dionisio Garcia

    Comment by Dionisio Garcia — Thursday, July 1, 2010 @ 2:43 pm | Reply

  7. Hello i live in kiev and im black therefore im afraid of going outside.
    But its kinda nice here, except for the nazi shits living next door.
    Tomorrow i will go to Chernobyl to find my lover girl that i didnt find since 1986.
    Hope i will at least find her as a zombie and rape her.

    Comment by The black guy — Thursday, July 8, 2010 @ 9:34 am | Reply


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