That’s right, I’m doing something that the Discovery Channel or Animal Planet never had the balls to do: I’m dedicating an entire week of output to nothing but stories of bear attacks. Fuck yeah!
Sure, there’s Shark Week, and there’s Animal Cops: Dangerous Game, and there’s even that HBO show Ravenous Wolves Attack Old Man, but trust me, none of it will be as brutal as what I will put forth this coming week.
There will be laughter, there will be tears, and there will be blood. Most of it will be blood. We are talking about bears, of course. They can cause a person to bleed.
Now, I understand that with this there will be a demand for other attack weeks, such as “Cougar Attack Week” or “Mountain Lion Attack Week”, or even “Puma Attack Week”, but until animals like these get the cojones to rise up against their domineering cousin, the homo sapiens sapiens, I will not feature attack weeks for them. Well, maybe I will. We’ll see.
Sleep tight, readers.