Potvin Newsly

Sunday, August 3, 2008

Sunday Spotlight: The Sunday Spotlight

For weeks I published the Sunday Spotlight once the 2007-2008 NFL season had ended. I had promised to deliver one Sunday Spotlight every Sunday until the games began again. This did not happen.

Instead, I published a mere eight of the football inspired posts. That’s kind of disappointing, but hey, I don’t see you out there writing about football.

Well, the 2008 NFL season has started, albeit just the preseason. Nevertheless, this is the last of the Sunday Spotlights for the time being. Like Brett Favre, it is time to retire. And, also like Favre, they will likely return next year, even if some people don’t want the Sunday Spotlight hanging around, and getting in Aaron Rodgers’ way.

Thursday, March 6, 2008

Favre Retires, Packers Disband

GREEN BAY, Wisc – With the news of Brett Favre’s retirement coming only days ago, Green Bay Packers Chairman Mark Murphy held a conference announcing that he too would retire, along with the rest of the staff and players.

“I uh, I just really don’t know what else to do,” said Murphy at the conference. “I think we all know that it’s just time; time to hang it up, you know?”

Packers General Manager Ted Thompson appeared to be very supportive. “I’ve already filed all the paperwork for the players, and all they will have to do is sign on the dotted line, retiring them from the National Football League.” When asked why the Packers were disbanding, Thompson told the press, “Hey, we all knew this was Brett’s team, and we all really fell under his leadership. Sure [Head Coach] Mike [McCarthy] did a ‘good job’ and whatnot, but without Brett and without an owner, the Packers simply are no more.”

McCarthy was later reached for comment at his home, but generally refused to answer questions posed by reporters. His only response was, “I’m retired; I’m not a ball coach anymore. If you folks want to know some football news, you better go ask somebody who’s still in the business.”

Fans have, so far, appeared to take the teams disbandment quite well. George Welsim, a Green Bay native and lifelong Packer fan, told the press, “You know, having seen Brett play every game for the past 16 years, I think this is for the best. I just can’t imagine the team playing with anybody else on that field.”

The players seem to agree. “We almost didn’t come back onto the field for the second half of that Dallas game,” said Green Bay wide receiver Donald Driver. “Brett got hurt in the first half, you know, and we were told he wasn’t going to come out for the second half. Most of us said ‘Fuck it – Let’s just go home now,’ but Brett asked us all to keep playing, so we did.” Driver continued, “In the end, we didn’t win the game, but Brett told us he was proud of us anyway, and that made it all better. Plus, he took us out for pizza and ice cream after the game, and that was pleasant.”

When asked if they would ever come out of retirement, most players only responded they would come back if Favre “resurrected” the Packers by returning as a player, a coach, or both (as in his previous tenure).

[Author’s note: :-( ]

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

‹/favre›

Filed under: Sports — Jill Hater @ 7:16 pm
Tags: ,

It finally happened. Bertt Fafvala retired from the NFL.

He is assured a spot in the Hall of Fame as he owns the NFL’s major passing records (to include interceptions). This coming season will be a weird one for me, as I’ve never seen the Packers play without Favre starting the game.

Favre started his first game for the Packers when I was in kindergarten. I will have graduated high school three years ago this May. It’s been awhile.

Rest assured a fake news article will be made out of this, as I am sure this is just one of thousands of Favre tribute web logs. But this deserves at least a fake news jab. Maybe a Spotlight feature in the future.

Monday, January 21, 2008

(Sigh of Disappointment, Depression) . . . Fuck

Today I returned from Buehring, (finally), but early this morning a little game, known to some as the “National Football Conference Championship Game” was being played. Since I live in the future, this game was going to start at 3:30 am Monday morning for me (or so said an online AFN schedule). As a dedicated Packers fan, I was obligated to watch this game, despite however inconvenient it may be for my sleep pattern.

Unfortunately, my temporary room at Buehring does not have a television, but I was able to strike a deal with the Indians at Housing. They agreed to let me watch the game on their tv in exchange for me not physically dominating them. Here’s a break down of how my (painfully) early morning went:

ALL TIMES ARE A.M.

  • 3:10 – I wake up groggy and, at first, pissed off to be alive to actually see the game – If I were dead, I’d be sleeping right now.
  • 3:12 – I sit up in bed to contemplate whether or not I should take my own life to get back to sleep.
  • 3:25 – After bumping into my bed, several walls, the door, and my locker, I finish getting dressed in the dark.
  • 3:30 – I arrive at Housing and the Indians immediately change the channel for me (after I stare at them). Then I see that there is 12:34 left in the second quarter. Motherfuck! That is the last fucking time I trust AFN’s online schedule. Only 3-0, New York, though.
  • 3:39 – The city of Green Bay promises to give Donald Driver a blow job. 7-6, Green Bay.
  • 3:49 – Greg Jennings looks cold. Really cold.
  • 3:56 – Troy Aikman points out that Favre is a good veteran quarterback.
  • 3:57 – Favre overthrows his receiver.
  • 4:00 – I think I catch Donald Driver saying “I’m fucking cold.”
  • 4:04 – Aikman informs me that Green Bay is currently colder than the North Pole. I am immediately happy to be at neither.
  • 4:05 – Desire to be at Green Bay returns.
  • 4:06 – Green Bay running back Brandon Jackson displays his crippling inability to read blocks and fucks up an otherwise decent screen play. Field goal makes it 10-6, Green Bay.
  • 4:12 – Holy shit! Tom Coughlin forgot to put on his skin today.
  • 4:14 – Halftime. An Indian from Housing asks me “Who is win?” I begin telling him about Packers running back DeShawn Wynn.
  • 4:20 – Aikman tells me that the fucking Patriots fucking won fucking again. Fuck!
  • 4:28 – An AFN commercial teaches me to wear my dress uniform at fancy restaurants to better take advantage of people’s kindness.
  • 4:34 – Giants rookie wide receiver Steve Smith runs one of the worst out-and-up routes I’ve ever seen, and gets wide open as a result…?! Luckily, Manning throws a bad pass and it is incomplete.
  • 4:46 – Giants running back Brandon Jacobs forces me to plot his murder. 13-10, New York.
  • 4:56 – Thank you, [Giants defensive back] Sam Madison! Your unnecessary roughness penalty turned fourth down into first, and allowed the next play to be a touchdown. 17-13, Green Bay.
  • 5:05 – The Giants continue to not suck. This angers me.
  • 5:08 – So… Angry… 20-17, New York.
  • 5:13 – Ryan Grant does something.
  • 5:18 – Whoa! Whoa! Fuck – Interception! Shit! Fuck! Fumble! Yes! Fuck – Yes! Woooooo!!!
  • 5:20 – The Packers run on second and long for the first time today. Finally.
  • 5:22 – Failed screen play. Again. Field goal is good, 20 all.
  • 5:30 – I want to see the Giants fail to convert just one third down. Please?
  • 5:37 – Fuck, New York, why go for it?! It’s fourth-fuck-down!
  • 5:38 – Ahhhhrgjhf;jgsfg;jsdf (Incoherent, angry suffering).
  • 5:42 – Fuck yeah! Missed field goal! Still 20 all.
  • 5:43 – Why are the Packers running deep routes on first and second down? What the fuck? WHAT THE FUCK? Do they know how cold it is?
  • 5:44 – Fourth down for the Packers. <sarcasm> Fucking great. Good job – Way to run two completely useless plays, then another one that fails to get ten yards on third down. </sarcasm> I see now how this will end: With me cursing bitterly.
  • 5:46 – Green Bay’s poor tackling in the fourth quarter causes me to curse bitterly.
  • 5:47 – Another third down conversion for New York. I curse bitterly.
  • 5:49 – Kabeer Gbaja-Biamila sacks Manning on third and nine. I curse joyfully.
  • 5:50 – 2:48 left and the Packers have the ball. I begin praying, promising God that I will not curse for the rest of the day if the Packers win.
  • 5:52 – 3rd and 15 for Green Bay. I say “Fuck” at the same time as Favre.
  • 5:53 – More bad play selection by Mike McCarthy cause me to damn him… rather bitterly.
  • 5:54 – Motherfuck! Recover the fucking fumble! Recover it! Fucking, Fuck! Asaashlgfhgslnsfsdg (My mind vomits rage.)
  • 5:55 – A holding call against the Giants temporarily saves the Packers’ season.
  • 6:00 – Something just occurred to me: Why is Eli Manning not turning the ball over? C’mon, guy.
  • 6:03 – I curse bitterly as the Giants convert another third down.
  • 6:04 – Four seconds left. 36 yard field goal attempt for the Giants and… OH MY GOD! HE MISSED IT! OH MY FUCKING GOD! AHHHHAHAHA WOOOOOOO!!! (I scream blissfully… And loud.)
  • 6:07 – Green Bay wins the coin toss for overtime. I hope that God is not pulling an unusually cruel joke on me and the Packer Nation, and instead completes the unusually cruel joke He started by having Giants kicker Lawrence Tynes miss that last second field goal.
  • 6:13 – An interception causes me to weep bitterly.
  • 6:16 – I pray that Lawrence Tynes will miss again.
  • 6:17 – I curse bitterly. I regret my decision to not die earlier this morning. Well, 2008’s ruined for me. Fuck everything. (I want to die.)

Well, I’ve now had the whole day to sulk over it. Still pissed. Fuck, probably Favre’s last good year, too. But I will say this: New York Giants, you better fucking beat the New England Patriots.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Prediction: Packers Slaughter Giants After Manning Tries to Eat Football

This is my prediction. I’m feeling pretty confident it will happen that way. Need proof?

E. Manning Versus Favre

On the left is Eli Manning. He looks like he has cerebral palsy. He looks like he is having way too much fun out there. He looks like a man-child. He will try to eat the football. This will cause his team to lose.

On the right is Brett Favre. He looks the way a legendary quarterback should: Calm, composed, slightly deranged, but strangely seductive, like the ax-murderer that your wife cheated on you with.

The Giants do have a 9 game road winning streak, however, and they might have a chance if Manning is well fed before the game.