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Saturday, January 23, 2010

BCS Bowls Reviewed

[Author: So what if this post is two weeks late? Big fuck.]

With the 2010 professional college football season coming to a close, it has come time to review the five biggest games of the post season: the BCS bowls.

Rose Bowl: Ohio State vs. Oregon

This was one of the most anticipated match-ups in the BCS bowls, since these teams were pretty much mirror images of each other. Terrelle Pryor outplayed Jeremiah Masoli, and as the winning quarterback earned the right to deflower the Rose Queen, Natalie Innocenzi. Ohio State faced tremendous pressure to win, having fizzled in most of its recent BCS appearances, and they sure did disappoint the critics. An interesting side note is that Oregon head coach Chip Kelly had defeated Ohio State head coach Jim Tressel in the annual pre-game hot dog eating contest. He is the first to coach to have won the contest but lost the game since Pete Carroll defeated Mack Brown in 2006.

Sugar Bowl: Florida vs. Cincinnati

This game ended up being much closer than expected, as most analysts predicted Florida would score between 150-200 points, with ESPN’s Jesse Palmer predicting a final score of googol to (-54). Florida eventually won by a final score of 51 to who gives a shit. Florida coach Urban Meyer suffered zero heart attacks during the game, much to the dismay of Cincinnati fans who were hoping that their opponents would also have to play without their head coach. Meyer told reporters after the game that his health concerns, combined with Tim Tebow leaving, may force him into a quasi-retirement. “Or I might just quit and get a job as the offensive coordinator for whatever NFL team drafts Timmy,” Meyers said. “Best head ever.”

Fiesta Bowl: Boise State vs. Texas Christian

TCU (Texas Christian) had a rare opportunity for itself and for all teams from non-BCS conferences in making it to a BCS game. However, it failed to convert that opportunity into success and it made all teams from the lesser conferences look foolish for even trying. Sure, with a final score of 17-10, it was a close game, but the fact is that they lost. Now pundits who think that non-BCS teams shouldn’t participate in the BCS bowls at all need only point to this game and say “Why do we even let these teams in if they can’t win the big ones?” Now teams like Bowling Green, SMU, and Boise State may never get a shot at another BCS game again, let alone the National Championship Game. Still, hats off to the Broncos, who should stop fucking crying every single year and just join the Pac 10 already.

Orange Bowl: Iowa vs. Georgia Tech

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!1!!one!!1 GO HAWKS!!!!!1! YEAH BABY! IN HEAVEN THERE IS NO BEER// THAT’S WHY WE DRINK IT HERE// AND WHEN WE’RE ALL GONE FROM HERE// OUR FRIENDS WILL BE DRINKING ALL OUR BEER!!! BOOM! SUCK IT TECH!

Ahem. Now would probably be a good time to confess that I am a slight fan of the Iowa Hawkeyes footballing club. This was a good game. Actually, it was a great game. Pretty much the best game out of all the BCS games, because of, um, its competitiveness. GO STANZI! WOO! CLAYBORN BRINGIN’ DOWN DA HOUSE! BOOM! SUCK IT TECH!

Moving on…

The National Championship Game

How lame was it that Colt McCoy got hurt on the fifth play and didn’t return? So lame that Texas made it a game (trailing 24-21 in the fourth quarter) with their true freshman Garrett Gilbert. Nowadays Colt McCoy just sits in his dorm room listening to Little Texas’ hit single What Might Have Been play on loop on his iPod, which he may or may not have accepted as an illegal gift from an athletic booster. But the point is, his roommate, star receiver Jordan Shipley, has been planning a big St. Valentine’s Day surprise for Colt to hopefully lift his spirits, and sources close to the two say Shipley might pop the question, so shhhhh! keep it on the down-low.

Ummm, and Alabama won. So what?

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Sunday, March 9, 2008

Sunday Spotlight: Clean, Old-Fashioned Hate

[This post originally part of the Potvin Spotlight series.]

The rivalry between the University of Georgia Bulldogs and the Georgia Institute of Technology Yellow Jackets is sometimes referred to by the moniker Clean, Old-Fashioned Hate. But do these schools really hate each other? You be the judge.

Georgia was founded in 1785, 100 years before Georgia Tech was founded. Due to this lack of a clear cut in-state rival, Bulldog fans had to take their aggression out on natives and slaves. However, due to westward expansions and the south’s defeat in the Civil War, there were soon no slaves or natives to be overly aggressive against. Unto whom could they fulfill their violent, megalomaniacal fantasies of continued power?

That’s easy! Just start another in-state school to rival the one you already have; now you’ve got Georgians hating Georgians, and rightly so. They only people worthy of hating a pure blood Georgian is another Georgian. And thus it is conversely true: the only person worth a Georgian’s time to even bother hating is someone cut from the same cloth.

With UGA in Athens and Georgia Tech in Atlanta, the schools were a mere 70 miles apart, and the stage was set for an epic rivalry to grow.

Below: A map of the state of Georgia showing the locations of UGA and GT.
Georgia Bulldogs and Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets Locations in Georgia
You had to see this one coming…

The hostilities began over the school colors. Georgia, whose colors were old gold, black, and crimson, removed old gold from the school’s officials colors, stating that old gold was too similar to yellow, and yellow symbolized cowardice. Georgia Tech then began wearing old gold uniforms as a metaphorical slap-in-the-face to UGA. Georgia officials then stated that white symbolizes those who nurture and embrace defeat. Again Georgia Tech responded by adding white to their uniforms. To this day, Tech’s colors are old gold and white.

More hatred came to the Clean, Old-Fashioned Hate rivalry during WWI, when Georgia mocked Tech for having a football team during the war. Most of Georgia’s players were serving in the armed forces at the time, and the school failed to field a team. Georgia Tech officials released a statement saying “It’s not our fault there’s a war on.” To this, Georgia officials famously responded with a letter that only read “Fuck you guys.”

When Georgia renewed its program in 1919 after the war had ended, the students staged a parade which featured a float shaped like a tank that read “UGA IN ARGONNE” followed by donkey draped in yellow that read “TECH IN ATLANTA”. Burn. Georgia Tech responded by burning down Georgia’s campus in Athens, killing several hundred students. Wicked burn.

In the 1970s the rivalry escalated to new heights as school pranksters tried to out do one another. The first such incident occurred in 1973 when some Tech students stole the bulldog statue in front of the UGA student center. Georgia students responded by stealing Georgia Tech’s Ramblin’ Wreck, a golden colored 1930 Ford Model A sports coupe clad with cheerleaders. The following year, Tech students kidnapped Uga III, the Bulldog’s mascot, a bulldog. Though his body was never found, it was rumored that he was rolled up in a carpet and thrown off a bridge, but not before some students split a bottle of malt liquor with him. Georgia students, enraged, set together a plan to kidnap all of the yellow jackets in the state. The plan failed miserably and ended in many painful stings. Georgia students then decided to retaliate by enrolling in Georgia Tech and, using their natural abilities, lowered the school-wide GPA.

Below: A Victim of Clean, Old-Fashioned Hate
Ramblin’ Wreck of Georgia Tech
Hey, I’m not trying to pick favorites or anything, but I’d rather be in this car than hanging out with Georgia’s bulldog. Nothing against dogs, but, c’mon. Just look at this juxtaposition of the Uga (the Georgia mascot) and a close-up of one of those cheerleaders:
Georgia’s Mascot, Uga VI Close-up of Georgia Tech Cheerleader’s Good Assets
Sold.

Hate is also practiced through time honored traditions. A famous Georgia Tech rallying cry is to shout out four times over the question “What’s the good word?” to which a crowd of (now) energized Yellow Jackets respond “To hell with Georgia!” despite the fact that they too are Georgians. (It has been suggested that this fact eludes them, but I doubt it.) The fourth response is set to be “Piss on them!” which, if they are referring to Georgians, means they wish to piss on themselves. This has lead many to believe that Georgia Tech fans inspired Marco Fiorito’s critically repulsed film 2 Girls 1 Cup.

Georgia currently leads the football series 59-38-5 (or so some say), and are on a 7 game winning streak against their in-state rivals as of this past year’s 31-17 victory over the Yellow Jackets. Georgia Tech hopes to change the trend by bringing in ex-Navy coach Paul Johnson, famous for his use of the triple option. If this does not work, Georgia Tech plans to poison the Athens water supply.

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Sunday Spotlight: 1929 Rose Bowl

[This post originally part of the Potvin Spotlight series.]

The 1929 Rose Bowl game featured the Pacific Conference runner-up University of California and the undefeated national champion, Georgia Tech. It was the 15th installment of the Rose Bowl.

California
California tied conference champion USC 0-0 earlier in the season, but USC was awarded the title after posting a conference record of 4-0-1 as compared to Cal’s record of 3-0-2 in conference play (Cal also tied Stanford, 13-13). USC was the first team invited to the Rose Bowl, but they turned it down, possibly fearful of facing the mighty Yellowjackets of Georgia Tech.

Georgia Tech
Georgia Tech went undefeated, coming into the game with a 9-0-0 record. Their season posted resounding double-digit victories over Notre Dame and in-state rival Georgia.

The first score of the game came midway through the second quarter, after Cal center Roy Riegels picked up a fumble 30 yards out from the goal line. Riegels ran towards the wrong end zone, however, and was only stopped when his quarterback, Benny Lom, caught up to him and tackled him at the one yard line. Cal decided to punt instead trying a play so close to their end zone, but the punt was blocked, and Georgia Tech scored a safety, leading 2-0 at the half.

Riegels was a huge crybaby in the locker room at halftime, and said he wouldn’t play the second half. Ultimately, however, he did play the second half, not because he never gave up, but because crybabies never get their way.

The Yellowjackets scored 6 more points in the third quarter, giving them an 8-0 lead heading into the fourth. Cal tried to make a comeback, scoring a touchdown, but controversially did not go for the 2-point conversation, and trailed 8-7. The game eventually ended with that score.

Riegels reportedly told his coached that he “ruined the University of California,” which was certainly true, as the school went bankrupt and became defunct merely months after the incident. Riegels was later killed by a bear while camping in Yosemite National Park. When questioned as to why he did it, the bear, golden in color, simply told reporters “[Riegels] disgraced me and my kind, and he needed to die for that.”

Roy Riegels was later inducted into the Georgia Tech Hall of Fame, where he has a bust with the inscription, “Thanks, Roy… Loser“. In 2003, Riegels’ mistake was named one of six “Most Memorable Moments of the Century” and also took the top spot in ESPN’s “Dumbest Things Done in 1929” special showcase series.

Below: Roy Riegels
Roy Riegels
Roy Riegels single-handedly destroyed the University of California by losing
the 1929 Rose Bowl Game, which is solely his fault and no one else’s.