Potvin Newsly

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Deadliest Ungulate Update: Moose Murders Woman

Filed under: Animals,News,Reasons to Not Do Things — Jill Hater @ 10:50 pm
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What’s the world’s deadliest ungulate? At the moment, a murderous, monstrous moose in Sweden, where a woman has been struck down in the post-prime of her life.

63 year old Agneta Westlund was killed after an evening stroll in the woods, which could be a good reason to not do that. At first, police suspected her husband, Ingemar Westlund. That is, until, they figured it was… [DUN DUN DUN!!!] probably a moose.

Think about this now: not only did a moose kill someone, but it also framed that person’s spouse for murder. We’re dealing with a moose the likes of which we’ve never seen. Smarter than the average moose. Perhaps even bigger, faster, and stronger, but also perhaps not. Probably just smarter. But still, that’s bad.

In the little picture, this is a moose that is capable of committing murder and possibly getting away with it, using the woods as a perfect hideout. But in the bigger picture, it is an even graver scenario. What if this moose begins teaching other meesen things like murder, or worse yet, a standardized alphabet? Will mooxen demand equal rights? Will they want to vote? Very serious matters indeed.

According to a tabloid, the moose was caught because it left hair and saliva on the victim’s clothes, though police have not confirmed such gibberish. If true, though, it holds hope for the human race. The moose hasn’t gotten so smart that it can completely cover up its tracks. Dodged a bullet there, humanity.

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